God grants me my wishes almost immediately and I'm grateful for that

I was just wishing for something last week and it came true on Monday when i was looking at my MSN Messenger. I saw something that I wished for last week. Something that would enable me to understand someone better, to at least feel like part of that someone's life. Hopeflly that person will continue to do what he/she's doing so that I can get to know him/her better. I won't tell it's who cos i just want to be an outsider right now, just to observe things from the side. just hope that that someone will recover from those months of being stuck at the same place and moment and become like him/herself again. and PS if you're reading this and you know who you are - continue "doing" what you are doing cos it's a good way to let out your feelings and just write down your thoughts. doesn't have to be an everyday thing, just do it when you think you need to write that something down.

right now, i'm listening to kelly poon's song "ai wu li" (My Love is Weak??) it has some lyrics that touches my heart and makes me want to cry so much.

i'm trapped in a vicious cycle which I can never get out of

i'm trapped in a vicious cycle that I can never get out of. it's true. no matter how i try. i just get rolled into it once again. and i hate myself for doing this. because it's stupid. get rolled in it and never get out of it. get rolled in and never get out. i'm helpless. it's no use.

Why is my first reaction "Dawn Y_ _" when asked to give my name in a survey??

For many many weeks this stupid woman kept calling our house to ask us do a survey for her. I've scolded her umpteens times but today i simply gave in to her but with the intention to say "PLEASE don't ever call here again and harass us anymore. And FYI, please brush up on your English" at the end of the survey. it took like 10 mins to finish the entire survey. She first asked me what my name was and my reaction was to say "Dawn Y_ _". I really don't know why. Don't ask me why. It just simply came to my mind. Why did I ever think of "Y_ _"?? Why not Wong or Tan or something else?

I hate myself for doing this. I hate myself for letting myself get trapped in the past. Why can't I just move on? it's impossible and yet i hang on. I'm really stupid and foolish. Why is it that I can almost feel the pain of that someone else myself? is it because I always put myself in other people's shoes just instinctively? it's really no wonder why i can't help but can feel sad for ppl i've also never seen before. the other day i was walking to the MRT from Tampines Mall and this lady came up to me and I was wondering if she could just go away cos i was in a hurry. but then all she wanted was for me to buy a pack of tissue and i saw her twisted arm (it was really twisted at the elbow - it hurt to see her arm. then i stopped and asked her how she was paying for herself since she can't work. she said she had her mom to feed but had no job. i asked whether or not she'd applied for welfare and she said she was going to. i told her "muz jia you and not to give up". very childish and stupid of me right? but she said she will.

I think i've digressed a lot away from my original topic. so back to that again. one line says it all. i'm a fool to let myself be trapped by the past.

I was a FASHION DISASTER & a WALKING CHRISTMAS TREE today + Johor trip

It was getting dark this morning when I was leaving for work. I thought I could get to my workplace before the rain started. Then it started pouring when I stepped out and before I reached the office, my jeans were all soaked and my t-shirt was 1/3 wet. I was practically dragging my jeans along while they were dropping down my hips... then my boss got me a red polo t-shirt (I tell you - it's ang bao red) and a pair of green trousers. Hence the "Walking Christmas Tree" syndrome. It was a true true fashion disaster lor i tell you!!!!!! and i had to walk home in that.... luckily it was just a short walk home or else i'll die of fashion victimization. But it was really nice of my boss to get me those clothes or else i'll be having a fever by now.. already sneezing like crazy these few days liao lor..

I was having a holiday break on saturday and sunday at my aunt's house in Johor. Did I tell you she moved? it's a really cool house. They've got a HDTV flat screen tv in their tv room where you can just lie on some big big pillows on the floor and relax. plus a big pond that surrounds one third of the house, with some 10-15 japanese koi swimming around. been der once in april and went der during saturday afternoon. came back late last night. they also have 2 dogs. one is really big.. i'm not sure what breed. but the smaller one, Lulu, she's a cross breed of chihuahua and something else. she's very very active, and keeps licking my toes, which is disgusting.. haha.. but i like carrying her alot so i always carry her despite the fact that i have to wash my hands thoroughly each time after i carry her.. i've got asthma so i would wheeze badly if i didn't wash myself clean. she's white and very furry.. so i like combing her fur with my fingers.. hehe.. she follows me around a lot.. hehe.. very cute but naughty.. cos whenever i sit down she would start licking my toes.. and she's very greedy.. haha.. she eats anything we give her despite her regular meals. but can't give her anything with salt cos her fur would fall.

yday we went shopping at this big mall called Jusco and i saw this really really cool green bag that I so wanted to buy.. but i didn't bring enough money along and it was just right there in front of me!!! it was like the perfect bag lor. it's bigger than my clutch bag which can practically fit nothing much except my makeup and my cell, but not bigger than my roxy bag, and i can carry it on my shoulder or just swing it around. it's got army green and normal green colors and a few pockets. the design is very in right now and i really like it so much that i'm willing to pay for an air ticket to fly there. but no plane flies to johor.. only KL and it's pretty stupid to fly from KL to johor when johor is just next to you. But if i don't get it soon.. it'll be gone.. and it's not everyday that you see something that you really like... and plus the price is so reasonable!!!!!! i'm already tearing my hair out... guys wouldn't understand one lah... only girls will understand what i'm talking about.. guys would probably feel the same way towards your cars or comics or fishes or football. but anyone pls pls tell me if you know where or how to get a plane ticket to johor. i just don't want to squeeze with ppl anymore on a dirty bus..

I also brought all my self-made earrings to show my cousin. My two aunts saw them too and were all very impressed and i was so happy and proud lor.. haha.. they took a pair each and wanted to pay. my mum was joking "$10 per pair hor".. but i gave it to them as a gift lah.. haha.. i was thinking "$10 per pair only ah?" if i were really to sell it.. i would sell it like $20 plus or even $30 plus.. the materials aren't cheap you know.. esp the crystals.. plus all the effort i put in. My younger aunt was like "how much?" and i knew well enough that she would pay $30++ if i had asked cos she dotes on me alot and she's very fashionable & rich & always comes to Singapore to shop at branded shops(lol).. but i didn't.. family mah.. talk about money very weird and awkward... i was looking at her walk-in wardrobe the other day and she's got lots of perfume!! She's got that Lolita purple apple perfume, very pretty.. all her perfumes lined up at her dressup table, plus many watches.. haha.. so much stuff.. really had fun these 2 days.. will prob go there again during August (Malaysia's mega sale is on during then - hehe....) and again in october cos my dad would be having 10 days off! yay! really wish i could put up some pics of the house but i can't cos i can't transfer photos from my handphone to my computer... too bad.. but can give a general description - the exterior design is Bali-like, like a resort feeling.. the interior is also Bali-like, but with a touch of modernism.

okies gtg liao.. blabber so much..haha

Stress Level: rising steadily as the days go by

My workload is increasing and increasing. My table's been in a mess for a few days. trying to clear my invoices and all but new ones keep coming in everyday. and my work never ends. i'm so stressed out everyday i tell you!!!!!!!!!! and the thing is, this stupid idiot before me (i'm taking over her place) is one irresponsible employee and has left so many messy trails behind that I have to take care of and up til now, i am still clearing all these trails and have yet to really get into what i was hired to do in the first place. You know what that stupid idiot (i really wanna say "bitch") did? She didn't clear invoices that were from last yr, or even a few yr before. and it's all left in the quickbook system (accounting software), just like that. i felt like killing her on her last day of work. she was supposed to actually come in on last saturday to clear her work and also wednesday. but she came only on wed and didn't clear all her work on her last day and just dumped it like that on the table and left. my boss was so pissed with her. I've never ever seen such an irresponsible person like that bitch.

but luckily my relationship with my boss is really good. I really like my boss. she's like this motherly figure and is very patient with me. Can be quite fierce at times but so far she hasn't scolded me for anything yet which is good and I intend to keep it that way.

one bad thing, however, is that this company is run by three brothers and they are Buddhists.. so my boss - she plays Buddhist songs everyday over the radio speakers and i have to hear it almost every hour... i basically try to ignore it but unless i'm ultra busy i still can hear it at times when my concentration strays away from those papers in front of me.

but anyways, i'm gng to johor tmr with my family to my aunt's house.. finally a break... but i still have work tmr til 12.30... on a saturday... which sucks....

I'm in the vortex of a Tornado

My table was in such a big mess just now during work, like a twister just came by and blew all my documents around. Was so hectic, so busy. Running around trying to find invoices, orders... but it's better this way.. cos time will pass faster like that.. hope tmr's liddat too..

first day of work today

today was my first day at work.. haha.. got this job yday after the interview. it's just a five mins walk frm my house.. haha.. which is very convenient - i walk home during lunch time and get a rest at home for a while, which is great. my colleagues are very friendly - most of them are malaysians i think. i don't have to wear formal office wear - hurrah! haha.. it's the usu admin work and stuff that I'm familiar with.. nothing to hard. but i keep yawning cos the work is very boring, as i always do with my previous 2 vacation admin jobs.. but anyways, i'm happy that i got a job so nearby my house and my supervisor hired me straightaway yday during my interview.

another step nearer to my MacBook! yay yay!

Does anyone know web design or HTML code? please contact me.

I'm setting up a website to sell some stuff and i know only very basic HTML codes so I really need help here. anyone knows please help. you guys know my number - send me an sms or give me a call. thanks so much!

who wants to go to the library with me????

people are just too busy with their hectic schedules and work to take a break and read something interesting. I don't think i've any friends who visit the library regularly to borrow and just read. err... or maybe i'm just a freak who loves reading. tried asking my younger sisters - none of them wants to... and my elder sis went to the library this morning and now she's at the world book fair.. but she's kinda eccentric and loner type and i don't think i can hang out with her cos we just don't click outside... weird huh? haha. well... since no one wants to go with me, den i'll have to go myself... again.. once again... tomorrow? most prob.

thinking of moving my blog to livejournal but for LJ u'd have to have premium account to change your template. but LJ's good in that u can allow only your friends to read your blog, and it also has tags and moods and stuff like that. don't think anyone understands what i'm saying but i'll just blab it out anyway.

gtg bye.


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