What is God's calling for me?

In the midst of studying, shopping, sleeping and tons of unproductive-ness, I couldn't help but ask - God, what do you want me to do? In fact, I've been curious all my life as to what career path I would take after much studying (lemme count, wahhhh 18 years of education!). Who wouldnt??

Especially these 2 weeks (and days after Modern Levites Conference). God just brought me through some situations in which I found myself questioning, "Is this what He wants me to do? Is this what He has planned for me?"

First off, it was the Modern Levites' Conference. I've always had a passion for singing. But it has died down ever since the JC years 'cause of various reasons. But during the Modern Levites' Conference, I felt God prompting my heart, "It's time to sing, it's time to rise up, worship warrior." But I have a big problem with confidence. I'm afraid that my voice is not as wonderful in reality as I've imagined it to be. I've only ever sung on stage once, when I was in primary 6, with a few other classmates. Another time was during a Sec One History presentation which we had to rewrite the lyrics of a song into a Japanese Occupation context. On the day of the presentation, I totally sang out of tune when the note of the song became too high. But when Anna Button replied to my question (during Mod. Lev.), "How do you know if you have a good voice?", I kind of knew in my heart that the question was redundant. I was just looking for an answer that would discourage me, to confirm that I have been imagining that my voice is good, so that I can finally wake up from this dream. The thing is, all along I knew my voice is not bad, but not that good either. So I had to do something about it. I have to start letting people hear my voice and give me opinions. I did it. Wednesday night. At Reina's. But I was so reluctant to sing even in front of her lah hahaha. Sooooo afraid of discovering that my voice is not good at all. At the end of it, Reina said something to the extent of "it's not bad but you have to project your voice." (Reina! We must get together to record ANOTHER demo soon so that the rest of the G12 can tell me what they think about my voice. I'm so sad that I didn't save the one that recorded before the battery ran out! Especially in view of our first email regarding the G12 band! I already know which role I'm going for but quite scared!)

Next was what happened last Saturday night. Reina was going to this meeting organized by a Christian guy who is trying to get a Christian band together. I didn't know of the meeting at all until she asked me if I was interested, on that day itself. I decided to simply tag along to see see look look. But when she smsed him about me and that I can sing, he replied and said something like ,"Amen! Godsend! I'm looking for a vocalist!" At that point of time, I was still hesitating. But when we finally got down to the discussion, I found myself really wanting to join this band as the vocalist. But does God really want me to be in this band? What about our G12 band? And more importantly, does He really want me to be a vocalist? I need affirmation & confirmation! And along with so many other things that I've committed myself to - do I have the time???

While I was spending time with God the other day, He brought to mind one worship song which I then sang to Him. It was, "I Offer My Life". The Holy Spirit highlighted especially this phrase, "Things in the past, things yet unseen, wishes and dreams that are yet to come true." It was like, He was reminding me of dreams that I've had in the past about singing and also telling me that dreams that He has already planned out for me but I still can't see yet - that He is going to bring them to pass, that He is going to make them all come true, one by one. I just feel so reassured that even though I can't foresee what is to come and nothing is tangible yet, He already has planned out my life and He is going to see me through and be there for me, through all the ups and downs.

And today, I went for a career tea session organized by the Ministry of ______ (I can't reveal which because the event is highly confidential). But the career opportunities are so interesting and challenging!! And it's like another open door lah. I have been quite worried about where I should be heading towards after graduation. I want a career that suits me, and interesting, and also in which I can fight for a cause. Then there is the counsellor position offered at Touch Community Services. The reason as to why I decided to major in psychology is to help people. But I really don't know what God has in mind for me.

Right now, all I know is I have to maximize to the fullest the talents that God has entrusted me with. I do not want to sit there and idle away time like the lazy servant in the Parable of the Talents in the Bible but to be like the man with 5 talents and had worked hard to gain another 5.

Labels: career, God, path of life, singing