JOY in SURRENDER

I received yet another thing to discourage me yesterday. The NUS coordinator sent me an e-mail and started off with "Let me reiterate to you what I spoke to you in the conversation." (referring to the demoralizing teleconversation). Then she went on to say "Dr Nicholas Hon will be monitoring your progress throughout the semester." WHAT??? Thoughts were flooding through my head when I saw that. So now I'm like a school kid who needs to be guided? I thought I was going to be left peacefully alone! And this guy is like this ultra smart lecturer whom I am so intimidated by. I felt so much pressure after reading that e-mail. It was like a load of lead that was dumped on my body, causing me to have so much difficulty with breathing. Was crying myself to sleep, asking for peace from Him, but I just couldn't be peaceful. I know that I can see it from another perspective, that having a lecturer to monitor my progress cos I can consult him on matters or even on stuff that I don't understand. I just pray that this is someone God has sent to really guide and encourage me in this area.

Right now, I'm in a state of "God, I'm really relying on you this time round. This bag of burdens I find it so hard to give up, I want to give it to you. I can't carry it no longer. I can't move. I want to surrender it to you." I want to know how it feels to have joy in surrendering. Knowing that He will carry that heavy bag of lead for you. These arrows aimed towards me I want to catch and throw it back at S-A-Tan!!!

I've made up my mind a long time ago about the 5000 warriors. No one is going to be a substitute for the role that He has planned for me. A vessel of His Light.

And once again, He has shown me the word "autism" today, in the "SATURDAY" section of the Straits Times. I've no idea how to go about it but I know He will lead the way no matter how impossible it may seem at this moment.

At a time when I thought that God was closing doors, I see a light. Instead of closing doors, He is opening up doors. More than ever before. I received an e-mail from MINDS, seeking for voluntary research assistants for a study. And it is not stated that good grades are part of the criteria. I'm going to apply for this position even though it is voluntary cos I believe it's a chance that He is giving me to expose myself to the kind of environment, working with people who need some extra help. How WONDERFUL is our GOD?