my mum thinks i dislike Chinese

my sis's Sunday Sch teacher just came over to visit us and my mum was letting her know how our family communicates. I overheard all of these in my room. my mum was saying we talk to her in chinese but we converse in English between ourselves, which is true. we do speak english most of the time between ourselves cos it's just us but chinese is very much a big part of our lives as well. we don't avoid talking in chinese at all, we just switch between chinese and english.

and then i heard it. my mum said i hate chinese. to the teacher. it's not that i hate it, but rather i dun like to read and write complicated chinese. i can tell u for sure i will never ever be able to read any kind of chinese novel. i simply do not have the patience to sit down to decode every single chinese word on a page. and it sounded in my mum's tone like this was the gap between me and her. maybe it is.. sometimes when i talk to her in chinese especially when i want to explain something that's pretty profound, i just find it ultra ultra difficult and end up sounding like a duck, very awkward.

to think that i used to score As for chinese in my early years of schooling. i think i really started to dislike chinese when i took higher chinese in pri 5 & 6 and especially when it made a "scar" on my otherwise perfect result slip for first sem of pri 6.

but i do understand that Chinese is a big part of my life. I am after all Chinese. I need to remember my roots. But i think i'll never be a pure Chinese person cos I'm too americanized.