I just realized that I'm turning 21 this year in August, but it just feels not right. Somehow I feel that my mentality is stuck at my secondary school days - like I'm still 16 and jumping around. 21 is getting very heavy for me - I don't want to take up responsibility for things that I didn't have to last time. I think I'm always this happy-go-lucky gal that everyone thinks I am - but I think I'm far more complicated than that.

Ever since my JC days, I've been thinking a LOT, a lot, about things in life, things I've done and things that I've not done. I think to my friends and family, they think that I'm just someone who lives her day by day, without any reflection. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm not. I don't want to guess anymore either - sometimes I think I know who I am, sometimes I keep guessing. Even at 20, I am still searching for my identity. I pretty much know what I want to do with my life but I have trouble convincing my family and friends that I'm serious with what I do. I'm not talking about my closest family members, I believe they believe I can do it, but it's my extended family. Not my grandad cos he's always supportive of what I do, but my aunties and uncles. and my best friend - I just somehow feel that she thinks I'm not treating school seriously - yes, I do skip a bit of school sometimes - but I do do my work and regard it seriously. maybe it's just that I feel a bit detached from her nowadays. We don't go out together at all, or hang out as often as we did anymore. well time is a frustrating factor.

maybe i'll just go catch a movie later to make myself better. maybe.